It's been a while since the last post and to be honest, I've been a bit uninspired. I've run into other things doing some of what The Returning Dignity Project strives to do and it left me feeling like the work was already being done and that the project could not come close to living it's purpose.
I don't write all that to be a downer, but I write to be honest and vulnerable. And yes, although there are things that already look a little like us here at The Returning Dignity Project, they are not us.
The mission of this project is what I lost sight of, to touch people's lives through, genuine, everyday interactions and to grow from there. If we can take 30 seconds to look away from our own needs and look at the needs of others, then 30 seconds turns into one minute and one minute turns into 5 minutes and then minutes turn into hours. And in all that time whether it is seconds or hours, we are making a difference.
I met a woman today named Martha who is a therapist. Twice a year she hosts giving parties where people donate a $25 gift card to gain admission to a night of food and entertainment. She then takes those gift cards and gives them to different non-profits or people in need. She has been doing these parties for 23 years! Martha started these parties as a way to repay the kindness people showed her when she was a struggling single mother of 3.
Although Martha is just one person she is helping so many. And if we left it all up to Martha, not as many people would he helped.
So yes, there may be other people out there who are doing close or maybe exactly what we are doing, but it's not all on their shoulders and it's not all on the shoulders of The Returning Dignity Project. Those of us who want to and need to help, those who are in need of help, all need to share the burden.
We are from the same race, the human race. And as Narayanan Krishnan talks about in his video for CNN Heroes, we all have 5.5 liters of blood.
So pardon the absence of The Returning Dignity Project, we got a little caught up in the lie that we didn't matter. And the truth is, that we do matter and any help in changing someones life for the better matters.
I've posted the video below before, but meeting Martha today and watching this video again of Narayanan Krishnan, brought the truth back into focus.
Have a great week. Start by using someones name and you start making a difference.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
It Has A Name Other Than Addiction
I know there hasn't been a lot of challenge posts lately, I guess right now I just feel led to post about some the things going on that I think effect people and their connections to one another. Those types of things are the other part of this project.
Over the weekend, Amy Winehouse was found in her apartment in England dead of an apparent drug overdose. It saddened me to see how quickly people played Monday morning quarterback to her death, pointing out how much they just knew this would happen. How easily people dismissed her as just another junkie.
My guess is these people have never faced addiction themselves or loved someone who has faced addiction.
Addiction, in any form, is an illness. If people with addictions could stop, they would, but they can't. That's what makes them addicts.
So many people I have known and so many people I love have suffered from some form of addiction. Thankfully, many of them work their programs and pursue their recovery and win the battle over their addiction every day. Not everyone is so lucky.
I know what it is to be the enabler on the other side, hoping that you will be enough for them to quit. It's a very hard lesson to learn it's not up to you.
When someone chooses recovery over addiction, most times they have to change their entire life.It all depends on how far they fell in the first place. But I cannot imagine how hard it must be to try and rid your life of something that wants to kill you when people are offering it to you all the time in order to become your pal. This is what many celebrities face as they try and pursue recovery.
And if you have never encountered those with addiction, please know the addiction is often the symptom of something greater. Pain so deep that numbing yourself to it seems like the only answer.
I lived with a Heroin addict for six months. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. He was my best friend and his own worst enemy. He started using drugs very early on to deal with the pain of the molestation that he had suffered at the hands of a family member during his childhood.
The time we lived together was during his second shot at sobriety. And I use the term sobriety loosely.
I would come home to find rambling notes on my door about how Heroin was the only love he really knew and that if he could just "fall in love" one more time, life would be better.
Sometimes he would get drunk and fall asleep in my bed, leaving me to go into his room and sleep in his.
Most mornings I would have to wake him up in order for him to make it to work. And part of that early morning ritual would involve taking heavy stage makeup to his arms so his track marks wouldn't show.
Those are just brief and not too graphic glimpses into those 6 months.It was a very hard time in my life, not just because I had no idea how to deal with what was in front of me, but to watch someone you love slowly killing themselves.
After he moved out, he found out he was positive with Hep C and he made a third attempt at sobriety that I heard stuck. Last I knew he was married and living in Arizona. I think about him often and hope he is pursuing recovery and working his program. I pray that their are no troubled phone calls to his family that only have terrible news on the other end.
My friend is someones husband and someones brother and someones child. He has a name and a life, not just an addiction.
Amy Winehouse along with so many other people who have been claimed by addiction were someones child, sibling and love.
If you have lived with addiction, you can identify with some of the things I am writing about here.
If you don't identify with me, that's fine. But this project is about us being better human beings to one another. We cannot do this if we only treat each other as a condition and limit people to their lot in life.
As a society, we need to embrace people and their brokenness. We need to give people power to reclaim themselves in the face of illness. We need to give people back their dignity even if it they gave it away for a high.
Over the weekend, Amy Winehouse was found in her apartment in England dead of an apparent drug overdose. It saddened me to see how quickly people played Monday morning quarterback to her death, pointing out how much they just knew this would happen. How easily people dismissed her as just another junkie.
My guess is these people have never faced addiction themselves or loved someone who has faced addiction.
Addiction, in any form, is an illness. If people with addictions could stop, they would, but they can't. That's what makes them addicts.
So many people I have known and so many people I love have suffered from some form of addiction. Thankfully, many of them work their programs and pursue their recovery and win the battle over their addiction every day. Not everyone is so lucky.
I know what it is to be the enabler on the other side, hoping that you will be enough for them to quit. It's a very hard lesson to learn it's not up to you.
When someone chooses recovery over addiction, most times they have to change their entire life.It all depends on how far they fell in the first place. But I cannot imagine how hard it must be to try and rid your life of something that wants to kill you when people are offering it to you all the time in order to become your pal. This is what many celebrities face as they try and pursue recovery.
And if you have never encountered those with addiction, please know the addiction is often the symptom of something greater. Pain so deep that numbing yourself to it seems like the only answer.
I lived with a Heroin addict for six months. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. He was my best friend and his own worst enemy. He started using drugs very early on to deal with the pain of the molestation that he had suffered at the hands of a family member during his childhood.
The time we lived together was during his second shot at sobriety. And I use the term sobriety loosely.
I would come home to find rambling notes on my door about how Heroin was the only love he really knew and that if he could just "fall in love" one more time, life would be better.
Sometimes he would get drunk and fall asleep in my bed, leaving me to go into his room and sleep in his.
Most mornings I would have to wake him up in order for him to make it to work. And part of that early morning ritual would involve taking heavy stage makeup to his arms so his track marks wouldn't show.
Those are just brief and not too graphic glimpses into those 6 months.It was a very hard time in my life, not just because I had no idea how to deal with what was in front of me, but to watch someone you love slowly killing themselves.
After he moved out, he found out he was positive with Hep C and he made a third attempt at sobriety that I heard stuck. Last I knew he was married and living in Arizona. I think about him often and hope he is pursuing recovery and working his program. I pray that their are no troubled phone calls to his family that only have terrible news on the other end.
My friend is someones husband and someones brother and someones child. He has a name and a life, not just an addiction.
Amy Winehouse along with so many other people who have been claimed by addiction were someones child, sibling and love.
If you have lived with addiction, you can identify with some of the things I am writing about here.
If you don't identify with me, that's fine. But this project is about us being better human beings to one another. We cannot do this if we only treat each other as a condition and limit people to their lot in life.
As a society, we need to embrace people and their brokenness. We need to give people power to reclaim themselves in the face of illness. We need to give people back their dignity even if it they gave it away for a high.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
My Friend Margot
Before I set forth any more challenges, I wanted to salute my friend, Margot Harvey.
Margot passed away on June 29th after a short battle with cancer. I found out two days afterward when her amazing daughters Mary Leigh and Katherine came to tell me at the jewelry shop I work at. (Margot loved jewelry.)
I could tell you facts about her life. Like that she was the 12th of 13 children and that Margot had a PhD. But I want to share about the Margot I knew for the past 6 years.
I met Margot and Mary Leigh while I worked for Starbucks. They were daily customers and I still know how to make their Chai Tea Lattes to this day. Margot was always in a cute jump suit in the mornings and Mary Leigh was usually dressed for work. Margot knew each one of us on the morning crew by name and always remembered us at Christmas and on our birthdays. As a barista, it was striking how quickly they came to know me and ask the same questions I asked of my customers everyday.
Margot and Mary Leigh found out I also worked in jewelery and became some of my best customers along with Katherine. They wouldn't just come in to buy something. If they were in the area they would just stop in to say hello. Often times, Margot would come by with great thrift store and consignment buys she thought I would love.
Not only were Margot and the Harvey girls customers they became friends.
Life got tough two years ago when Margot lost her husband Don. He was the love of her life and she the love of his.She never fully recovered from losing him.
But after winter there is spring and Margot got so excited when Mary Leigh got engaged in 2009. I love remembering us being all together to celebrate this time. Margot had so much fun at Mary Leigh's shower which was a Tupperware Party hosted by a drag queen named Kay Sedia. And she looked so radiant as the mother of the bride in January of 2010 at Mary Leigh's wedding in San Diego.
What made Margot so special is that she treated everyone with kindness and like a worth while human being. She always spoke to people, not matter what their lot in life, with respect and dignity. It's part of what made her an amazing lawyer, but what truly made her a person people wanted to know and be around.
I got the chance to sit with Mary Leigh and Katherine and a few of the other Harvey friends a few nights after Margot passed. It was so amazing to see old photos and listen to old stories and learn about parts of Margot I didn't know.
I had seen Margot last in February and she looked amazing. She looked the best I had seen her in a while. She was full of energy and joy. Mary Leigh and Katherine told me in the week before she died, she told them that she had to come see me. Sadly, I didn't get that visit.
I keep her photo in my room and I say hello to her and talk to her a bit during the day. I know she's not in the photo, but I know she's around.
This isn't by any means my most eloquent post, but it is something I wanted and needed to share.
I write about Margot here in the space for the Returning Dignity Project because that's what Margot embodied. It's the legacy that her and her late husband Don, raised their girls to live. It's a legacy that everyone who knew her has been touched by.
I miss Margot so much, but her actions and attitude continue to inspire me and to inspire this project.
Rest in peace Margot and I pray you and Don are together loving each other fiercely.
Margot passed away on June 29th after a short battle with cancer. I found out two days afterward when her amazing daughters Mary Leigh and Katherine came to tell me at the jewelry shop I work at. (Margot loved jewelry.)I could tell you facts about her life. Like that she was the 12th of 13 children and that Margot had a PhD. But I want to share about the Margot I knew for the past 6 years.
I met Margot and Mary Leigh while I worked for Starbucks. They were daily customers and I still know how to make their Chai Tea Lattes to this day. Margot was always in a cute jump suit in the mornings and Mary Leigh was usually dressed for work. Margot knew each one of us on the morning crew by name and always remembered us at Christmas and on our birthdays. As a barista, it was striking how quickly they came to know me and ask the same questions I asked of my customers everyday.
Margot and Mary Leigh found out I also worked in jewelery and became some of my best customers along with Katherine. They wouldn't just come in to buy something. If they were in the area they would just stop in to say hello. Often times, Margot would come by with great thrift store and consignment buys she thought I would love.
Not only were Margot and the Harvey girls customers they became friends.
Life got tough two years ago when Margot lost her husband Don. He was the love of her life and she the love of his.She never fully recovered from losing him.
But after winter there is spring and Margot got so excited when Mary Leigh got engaged in 2009. I love remembering us being all together to celebrate this time. Margot had so much fun at Mary Leigh's shower which was a Tupperware Party hosted by a drag queen named Kay Sedia. And she looked so radiant as the mother of the bride in January of 2010 at Mary Leigh's wedding in San Diego.
What made Margot so special is that she treated everyone with kindness and like a worth while human being. She always spoke to people, not matter what their lot in life, with respect and dignity. It's part of what made her an amazing lawyer, but what truly made her a person people wanted to know and be around.
I got the chance to sit with Mary Leigh and Katherine and a few of the other Harvey friends a few nights after Margot passed. It was so amazing to see old photos and listen to old stories and learn about parts of Margot I didn't know.
I had seen Margot last in February and she looked amazing. She looked the best I had seen her in a while. She was full of energy and joy. Mary Leigh and Katherine told me in the week before she died, she told them that she had to come see me. Sadly, I didn't get that visit.
I keep her photo in my room and I say hello to her and talk to her a bit during the day. I know she's not in the photo, but I know she's around.
This isn't by any means my most eloquent post, but it is something I wanted and needed to share.
I write about Margot here in the space for the Returning Dignity Project because that's what Margot embodied. It's the legacy that her and her late husband Don, raised their girls to live. It's a legacy that everyone who knew her has been touched by.
I miss Margot so much, but her actions and attitude continue to inspire me and to inspire this project.
Rest in peace Margot and I pray you and Don are together loving each other fiercely.
Monday, June 27, 2011
I'd Like To Speak To The Manager
I bet if I asked you what your worst dining experience was, you could tell me. I can definitely tell you. It happened at a Melting Pot in Irvine, CA. I wont fill you in on all the details, but it was so bad it caused me to write a letter, not an email, but a letter to their corporate office and to their Irvine location as well. I received no response from them and in turn I have never returned to any of their establishments.I've worked in customer service for a long time. So please know, that if I am so upset at a restaurant that I wont go back, that the experience was horrific. That being said, I also have a lot of grace for servers and staff at restaurants because they are dealing with a constantly changing variable known as the public.
We all have a story or two like mine. A story that starts with the hope that we were going to have a pleasant dining experience and instead turned into a nightmare. It's easy to complain about forgotten drink orders and burgers being too well done.
But when is the last time you shared with people a really extraordinary dining experience? When is the last time that you filled out a comment card with positives, praising your server for his or her friendliness?
So here is Challenge #5 in the Returning Dignity Project:
This week I want you to highlight and share your positive service experiences. Whether it's at a restaurant, bank, or at a store. Any place your would receive customer service. If someone gives you great service and a great experience, leave a comment card, talk to their manager, take the overly long phone survey. These small things make all the difference to people who constantly come face to face with people focusing on the negative aspects and not the positive ones.
It catches people so off guard, that many times, when I have spoken to the manager about a positive experience, they are surprised because usually they are only there to receive the complaints.
If you wanna take it a step further post your positive service experiences on our Twitter feed @retrningdignity or on your feed on on your Facebook.
Here's a true example from Sunday night for you:
"I want to compliment Andy at the Meat House in Costa Mesa. Last night was out first time in that butcher shop and he made the experience great with his genuine spirit and information about their products!"
See, so easy.
Have a great week and enjoy building up those who serve you every single day!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
A New Challenge for A New Week.
Word had been getting more out about The Returning Dignity Project. That gets me really more and more excited about the whole thing.
The whole idea of this project is to make everyday personal interactions more genuine..
I have been thinking about the old adage, "That was the straw that broke the camel's back." The idea that something so small is the thing that finally pushed an already exacerbated situation over the limit.
I think many times we all say things or do things that are snarky or mean and don't think about the true consequences of those words or actions.
What if making a quip about someones relationship was the final dig they "needed" to go and end that relationship? What if a sarcastic comment to someone only rooted them more in shame?
Do we want to be the straw that breaks any one's back?
This is your challenge for the week...
When the temptation comes up to be harsh, sarcastic or dismissive; instead take a step back and work on saying something to build up that person or be supportive of them in a genuine way. This way we can help lessen each others load and make the day or even just the moment a little bit easier.
Happy Tuesday everyone and I look forward to seeing how challenge #3 unfolds for everyone.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Giving Is the Brand!
A few weeks back we headed to the Indie Arts and Crafts festival as it set up camp in the museum district of Santa Ana. It is there we happened upon an apparel booth and met Ty and Ish who told us all about the Collaborative World movement. http://www.thecwmovement.com
Each season Collaborative World partners with four non-profit organizations at individual, local, national, and global levels. These organizations are committed to improving the lives of the people they serve. Half of all the CW apparel sales goes to these organizations.
Such a great idea!
This season Collaborative World is partnering with the following great non-profits:
Living the Dream Foundation http://www.livingthedreamfoundation.org/
Started in 2007 by Scottie Somers, the foundation works to help empower ill children and young adults to realize their potential no matter what their affliction.
Someone Cares Soup Kitchen and Tutoring Program http://www.someonecareskitchen.org/
Their mission is to feed a daily nutritional meal to the homeless, working poor, unemployed, physically and mentally challenged, senior citizens, and children of Orange County. they also offer a 3 hour after school tutoring program for at risk students.
My Broken Palace http://mybrokenpalace.com
The mission of My Broken Palace is that no one is to ever to bear the weight of loneliness, anxiety, stress, depression, abuse, addictions, or thoughts of suicide by themselves. Their motto, "No one lonely, alone."
Krochet Kids http://krochetkids.org/
"Buy a hat. Change a life" To empower people to rise above poverty. They currently work with women in Peru and Uganda. Style that promotes social change.
Awesome, right?!
The apparel from Collaborative World is not only comfy, but stylish! Below is a pic of my shirt that directly supports My Broken Palace. Shawn purchased one that directly supports Someone Cares Soup Kitchen and tutoring Program. It's so nice to know that a piece of clothing I am buying is actually helping someone instead of oppressing them further.
Please check out Collaborative World and their partners.
The more we join together to return dignity to each other, the easier our mission becomes.
Each season Collaborative World partners with four non-profit organizations at individual, local, national, and global levels. These organizations are committed to improving the lives of the people they serve. Half of all the CW apparel sales goes to these organizations.
Such a great idea!
This season Collaborative World is partnering with the following great non-profits:
Living the Dream Foundation http://www.livingthedreamfoundation.org/
Started in 2007 by Scottie Somers, the foundation works to help empower ill children and young adults to realize their potential no matter what their affliction.
Someone Cares Soup Kitchen and Tutoring Program http://www.someonecareskitchen.org/
Their mission is to feed a daily nutritional meal to the homeless, working poor, unemployed, physically and mentally challenged, senior citizens, and children of Orange County. they also offer a 3 hour after school tutoring program for at risk students.
My Broken Palace http://mybrokenpalace.com
The mission of My Broken Palace is that no one is to ever to bear the weight of loneliness, anxiety, stress, depression, abuse, addictions, or thoughts of suicide by themselves. Their motto, "No one lonely, alone."
Krochet Kids http://krochetkids.org/
"Buy a hat. Change a life" To empower people to rise above poverty. They currently work with women in Peru and Uganda. Style that promotes social change.
Awesome, right?!
The apparel from Collaborative World is not only comfy, but stylish! Below is a pic of my shirt that directly supports My Broken Palace. Shawn purchased one that directly supports Someone Cares Soup Kitchen and tutoring Program. It's so nice to know that a piece of clothing I am buying is actually helping someone instead of oppressing them further.
Please check out Collaborative World and their partners.
The more we join together to return dignity to each other, the easier our mission becomes.
Monday, May 23, 2011
For Those Left Behind...
Now what?
May 21, 2011 was, according to Harold Camping, supposed to be the day the righteous were to be raptured into heaven.
His radio station, Family Christian Radio, had their website devoted to the end coming on May 21st. Now, the site is just back to business as usual.
Camping himself, who spent hundreds of thousands on dollars on over 2000 billboards and bus adverts across the nation, has not said much other than that, "It has been a very tough weekend." and that he is "flabbergasted" that the Rapture did not take place.
I'm not here to judge Camping or his followers. That does not return dignity to anyone. What I am here to do is ask; "What happens now to those who believed?"
I have been following this whole thing for many months now since I read an article about a 32 year old woman who quit her job to follow Camping and to spread the word of the impending Rapture. Since then, I have read other stories of families who have stopped saving for their children's colleges and quit their jobs. Who have flat out told their children that they will be denied heaven because they don't believe as their parents do. And even a story about a CA woman who was so afraid of the upcoming tribulation that she attempted to kill her two children and herself.
Now can you chalk all these people up to just being fanatics or disturbed. However, it is not as easy as that.
It is more about the fact that Camping's campaign was driven out of fear and not our of love. A campaign that in many ways told people that their faith was not enough.
As I have said before, people do not need to be told that they are broken or in pain. They already know that. what they do need to be told is that they are worthwhile and loved.
Part of the mission of The Returning Dignity Project, is to interact with those who feel ignored and left behind.
Camping's campaign has not only rocked his faith, but the faiths of countless people. People who said goodbye to their jobs, and families and daily lives. People who are now left to figure out if they are going to throw out the baby Jesus with the bath water.
Christians are told to have faith like little children. To have simple faith and be pure of heart. Things like the Judgement Day campaign took that simple faith and twisted it and drove that faith with fear. Now there are people left with broken faith.
I hope in Camping's mind and heart he believed he was doing a good thing. He wanted people to turn away from bad and look towards the good of God. However, it turned into a fear campaign that caused shame to reign down on people and caused a blow to the Christian community as a whole. Even though many Christians are not in the same group as Camping, many non-Christians will lump everyone together.
So what can we do?
Whatever your faith is, we can do our best not to judge. Instead of looking at someone as crazy for having faith in the May 21st prediction, we can lift them up and have hope for healing in them. We can hope for any brokenness that came from this to be small and for them to find new direction in their faith and that it be one of love and not of fear. However you pray, pray for these folks. Pray that they will find love, real divine love. The kind of love that comes with peace and joy and reassurance.
I'm not here to tell you how to believe, but I am here and the RDP is here to lift up people and to changes peoples lives for the better with simple interactions. Ask yourself how you might feel if something you believed was true was exposed to be a lie. Something like your marriage falling apart after years of thinking you were in a loving, committed relationship. Where would that leave you? Where has this left them?
May 21, 2011 was, according to Harold Camping, supposed to be the day the righteous were to be raptured into heaven.
His radio station, Family Christian Radio, had their website devoted to the end coming on May 21st. Now, the site is just back to business as usual.
Camping himself, who spent hundreds of thousands on dollars on over 2000 billboards and bus adverts across the nation, has not said much other than that, "It has been a very tough weekend." and that he is "flabbergasted" that the Rapture did not take place.
I'm not here to judge Camping or his followers. That does not return dignity to anyone. What I am here to do is ask; "What happens now to those who believed?"
I have been following this whole thing for many months now since I read an article about a 32 year old woman who quit her job to follow Camping and to spread the word of the impending Rapture. Since then, I have read other stories of families who have stopped saving for their children's colleges and quit their jobs. Who have flat out told their children that they will be denied heaven because they don't believe as their parents do. And even a story about a CA woman who was so afraid of the upcoming tribulation that she attempted to kill her two children and herself.
Now can you chalk all these people up to just being fanatics or disturbed. However, it is not as easy as that.
It is more about the fact that Camping's campaign was driven out of fear and not our of love. A campaign that in many ways told people that their faith was not enough.
As I have said before, people do not need to be told that they are broken or in pain. They already know that. what they do need to be told is that they are worthwhile and loved.
Part of the mission of The Returning Dignity Project, is to interact with those who feel ignored and left behind.
Camping's campaign has not only rocked his faith, but the faiths of countless people. People who said goodbye to their jobs, and families and daily lives. People who are now left to figure out if they are going to throw out the baby Jesus with the bath water.
Christians are told to have faith like little children. To have simple faith and be pure of heart. Things like the Judgement Day campaign took that simple faith and twisted it and drove that faith with fear. Now there are people left with broken faith.
I hope in Camping's mind and heart he believed he was doing a good thing. He wanted people to turn away from bad and look towards the good of God. However, it turned into a fear campaign that caused shame to reign down on people and caused a blow to the Christian community as a whole. Even though many Christians are not in the same group as Camping, many non-Christians will lump everyone together.
So what can we do?
Whatever your faith is, we can do our best not to judge. Instead of looking at someone as crazy for having faith in the May 21st prediction, we can lift them up and have hope for healing in them. We can hope for any brokenness that came from this to be small and for them to find new direction in their faith and that it be one of love and not of fear. However you pray, pray for these folks. Pray that they will find love, real divine love. The kind of love that comes with peace and joy and reassurance.
I'm not here to tell you how to believe, but I am here and the RDP is here to lift up people and to changes peoples lives for the better with simple interactions. Ask yourself how you might feel if something you believed was true was exposed to be a lie. Something like your marriage falling apart after years of thinking you were in a loving, committed relationship. Where would that leave you? Where has this left them?
You may not know any of these folks personally, but with our own words and actions we can help keep more shame, different shame and fear from being further heaped on the heads of these people. When others talk about this and mock these believers, don't join in and encourage them to lift these people up as well.
My heart is heavy with this, and that's why I chose to write about it today. But in my faith, I know that God can do more healing and rebuilding than we as people can ever destroy.
Have a great Monday. May it be full of grace and love for those you know and those you don't.
Monday, May 2, 2011
A Soldier Thank You Challenge
Today, in light of the news of Osama's death, I am going to talk a bit about the military today.
My father and my brother both served in the military. My father joined the Air Force in order to get American citizenship. My brother joined the Army out of high school and served in the first gulf war. He was a tank gunner and top gun in his class.
My mother, a teen in the 60's, watched a lot of her friends go off to Vietnam. And of course, not all of them came home.
Whether you agree with the current wars we are involved with or not, you can still support our troops. I personally am thankful to the military for helping ensure our freedom. People criticize the military on a constant basis, but let's remember if it wasn't for our armed forces, we may not live in a country where we can openly speak our minds. And although I may complain about my job at times, at the end of the day I don't have to worry if I'm going to make it home or not.
So here is your challenge this week. When you see a soldier or a veteran, thank him or her for serving. If you know someone who has served or is currently serving, thank them. I know it can mean so much.
So there it is. Thank a soldier. Thank a veteran. It's so simple.
Have a great Monday and follow us here on the blog or on Twitter @retrningdignity
My father and my brother both served in the military. My father joined the Air Force in order to get American citizenship. My brother joined the Army out of high school and served in the first gulf war. He was a tank gunner and top gun in his class.
My mother, a teen in the 60's, watched a lot of her friends go off to Vietnam. And of course, not all of them came home.
Whether you agree with the current wars we are involved with or not, you can still support our troops. I personally am thankful to the military for helping ensure our freedom. People criticize the military on a constant basis, but let's remember if it wasn't for our armed forces, we may not live in a country where we can openly speak our minds. And although I may complain about my job at times, at the end of the day I don't have to worry if I'm going to make it home or not.
So here is your challenge this week. When you see a soldier or a veteran, thank him or her for serving. If you know someone who has served or is currently serving, thank them. I know it can mean so much.
So there it is. Thank a soldier. Thank a veteran. It's so simple.
Have a great Monday and follow us here on the blog or on Twitter @retrningdignity
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
A Trip to The Tustin Farmers Market
Last Wednesday I took a morning bike ride to the Tustin Farmers Market to get some eggs and veggies for the week. As I was getting some veggies from a very talkative and excited vendor named John, he asked if he could give me something. I told him he could. John went to the front seat of his truck and returned with a slip of paper. On it, contained a copy of the Optimist Creed. The creed is as follows:
Promise Yourself ...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
John went on to tell me that he was a retired Marine who had served our country for many years and now had passed out over 7,000 copies of the creed.
"Some people can't handle it," he said. "This kind of stuff is too much for them.."
The creed was written in 1912 but is the creed for the organization Optimist International.
Optimist International is an association of more than 2,900 Optimist Clubs around the world dedicated to "Bringing Out the Best in Kids." Adult volunteers join Optimist Clubs to conduct positive service projects in their communities aimed at providing a helping hand to youth. With their upbeat attitude, Optimist Club members help empower young people to be the best that they can be.
Each Optimist Club determines the needs of the young people in its community and conducts programs to meet those needs. Every year, Optimists conduct 65,000 service projects and serve well over six million young people.
So on a daily basis a man who has seen things that would probably make anyone cynical or bitter is selling veggies and giving away optimism.
Thank you John for making my Wednesday even better than I thought it would be and for being someone who does their part to make everyday interactions more genuine.
If you'd like to meet John and get some great produce and support local growers, the Tustin Certified Farmers Market is every Wednesday from 9am-1pm in the farmers market lot on El Camino Real in Tustin, CA.
If you'd like to learn more about Optimist International, their website is www.optimist.org
Follow us on Twitter @retrningdignity
Promise Yourself ...
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
John went on to tell me that he was a retired Marine who had served our country for many years and now had passed out over 7,000 copies of the creed.
"Some people can't handle it," he said. "This kind of stuff is too much for them.."
The creed was written in 1912 but is the creed for the organization Optimist International.
Optimist International is an association of more than 2,900 Optimist Clubs around the world dedicated to "Bringing Out the Best in Kids." Adult volunteers join Optimist Clubs to conduct positive service projects in their communities aimed at providing a helping hand to youth. With their upbeat attitude, Optimist Club members help empower young people to be the best that they can be.
Each Optimist Club determines the needs of the young people in its community and conducts programs to meet those needs. Every year, Optimists conduct 65,000 service projects and serve well over six million young people.
So on a daily basis a man who has seen things that would probably make anyone cynical or bitter is selling veggies and giving away optimism.
Thank you John for making my Wednesday even better than I thought it would be and for being someone who does their part to make everyday interactions more genuine.
If you'd like to meet John and get some great produce and support local growers, the Tustin Certified Farmers Market is every Wednesday from 9am-1pm in the farmers market lot on El Camino Real in Tustin, CA.
If you'd like to learn more about Optimist International, their website is www.optimist.org
Follow us on Twitter @retrningdignity
Monday, April 18, 2011
Returning Dignity Challenge #2
A new week and a new challenge!
How many of you remember "Romper Room"? Well, at the end of the show, Miss Sally would always bring out Magic Mirror. It was mirror she used to see all the children at home who were watching and she would call out the children by name. You always hoped she would call out your name. "Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play?"
So this week we are all going to use the Magic Mirror.
I want you to learn someones name this week.
Where do you go on a daily or weekly basis? Who is that face behind the counter who is always helping you?
I want you to learn their name.
"But Darcy, I'm not very god with names. I know faces."
LEARN THEIR NAME. Even if it takes you a while. Do it. Even if you have to ask them their name four times this week. Do it.
How would you feel if someone you saw everyday, who you served in some way or another, didn't know your name and didn't truly acknowledge you? You might be sad or worse resentful.
So let's set about this with diligence. Let's make our everyday interactions less ordinary and more genuine.
Follow us on Twitter at @RetrningDignity and post whose name you are learning this week.
Here's a little Canadian Romper Room to enjoy on this Monday
How many of you remember "Romper Room"? Well, at the end of the show, Miss Sally would always bring out Magic Mirror. It was mirror she used to see all the children at home who were watching and she would call out the children by name. You always hoped she would call out your name. "Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic Mirror, tell me today, have all my friends had fun at play?"
So this week we are all going to use the Magic Mirror.
I want you to learn someones name this week.
Where do you go on a daily or weekly basis? Who is that face behind the counter who is always helping you?
I want you to learn their name.
"But Darcy, I'm not very god with names. I know faces."
LEARN THEIR NAME. Even if it takes you a while. Do it. Even if you have to ask them their name four times this week. Do it.
How would you feel if someone you saw everyday, who you served in some way or another, didn't know your name and didn't truly acknowledge you? You might be sad or worse resentful.
So let's set about this with diligence. Let's make our everyday interactions less ordinary and more genuine.
Follow us on Twitter at @RetrningDignity and post whose name you are learning this week.
Here's a little Canadian Romper Room to enjoy on this Monday
Friday, April 8, 2011
People Suck
People Suck.
We've all said it or believed it at some point. Usually because in some simple interaction, someone snapped at us or was bossy or just plain old mean.
But those folks didn't start off that way. People treat other people badly, because people treated them badly in the first place.
So it's easy to wanna be mean and rude right back to them, but we can either continue that suck cycle or try and break it. The whole, "kill them with kindness" thing.
So the next time someone is sucky to you in everyday life, step back, take a moment and return their suck with kindness. I didn't say passive aggressiveness. I mean real kindness.
(And now to borrow from my brother a little)
Because kindness has the word kin at it's root, which means related, family. And as humans we are all kin. Not necessarily kin we would choose or that we like, but we are kin.
So help stop the suck a little today.
Now to talk a little on the name challenge from 2 weeks ago. How's that been going? I do pretty well at it but in the hustle bustle of a restaurant last night failed to get any ones name. Boo me. But that's why it's all a challenge.
So keep it going and post in the comments or in the Twitter feed (@retrningdignity) how's the challenge has effected you. And on the Twitter feed you can also watch one of my fave SNL skits that drives home the point of the challenge!
Have a great weekend.
We've all said it or believed it at some point. Usually because in some simple interaction, someone snapped at us or was bossy or just plain old mean.
But those folks didn't start off that way. People treat other people badly, because people treated them badly in the first place.
So it's easy to wanna be mean and rude right back to them, but we can either continue that suck cycle or try and break it. The whole, "kill them with kindness" thing.
So the next time someone is sucky to you in everyday life, step back, take a moment and return their suck with kindness. I didn't say passive aggressiveness. I mean real kindness.
(And now to borrow from my brother a little)
Because kindness has the word kin at it's root, which means related, family. And as humans we are all kin. Not necessarily kin we would choose or that we like, but we are kin.
So help stop the suck a little today.
Now to talk a little on the name challenge from 2 weeks ago. How's that been going? I do pretty well at it but in the hustle bustle of a restaurant last night failed to get any ones name. Boo me. But that's why it's all a challenge.
So keep it going and post in the comments or in the Twitter feed (@retrningdignity) how's the challenge has effected you. And on the Twitter feed you can also watch one of my fave SNL skits that drives home the point of the challenge!
Have a great weekend.
Friday, April 1, 2011
A Different Kind of Poverty
The word, "care" has been on my mind a lot lately. We do most things in our lives in order to get other people to care for us. I could even take it as far as saying we do most things in order to get people to love us. And it can be as simple as just wanting people to like us. Whatever you want to call it, people want other people to pay attention either a little or a lot.
I have been reading some quotes from Mother Teresa. Whatever faith you practice or come from, you have to admit she was amazing. This quote has been rolling around in my head for a few months now,
"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."
-Mother Teresa
I agree, it's actually much easier to physically feed someone than it is to feed someones soul. And plenty of people are starving out there.
If we start with the notion that everyone is motivated out of the need to bee wanted, loved, liked or cared for, we really start to see peoples actions in a different light. (Here's where I may step on some toes)
Take plastic surgery for instance. I live, as I've stated before, in Orange County. Plastic surgery is everywhere you look in this county. Most people who are not on board with plastic surgery view it as shallow and vain. Can that assumption be true, sure.
But what if that person is just so lonely that they think the only way to get someone to care for them is to alter their appearance.
I've seen and read stories of women that have undergone so many surgeries that they ended up destroying themselves in order to just be noticed and liked.
Is this an extreme example of how far people will go, yes and no. Plastic surgery is more commonplace these days than ever before.
As human we will do things to get any type of attention, even if it's negative, just to be acknowledged.
So where does this fit into The Returning Dignity Project? If people will go to such extremes to be cared for, then simple gestures of care can go further than we ever imagined.
Often times, people are so thirsty for love and care that they will drink from a polluted well. I've done it myself.
Our choice everyday is whether we are offering people true care or just more of the same pollution they are used to.
Your challenge this week has been to call someone by name. Have you been doing it? Have you really though about how far that goes with someone who feels unseen, unknown or uncared for?
It can go pretty far.
Look I'm not perfect by any means and I'm not asking any of you to be either. I'm learning as much during this project as all f you are.
The next time judgement comes to your mind about someones appearance or attitude, just remember they may just be asking for you to care.
I have been reading some quotes from Mother Teresa. Whatever faith you practice or come from, you have to admit she was amazing. This quote has been rolling around in my head for a few months now,
"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."
-Mother Teresa
I agree, it's actually much easier to physically feed someone than it is to feed someones soul. And plenty of people are starving out there.
If we start with the notion that everyone is motivated out of the need to bee wanted, loved, liked or cared for, we really start to see peoples actions in a different light. (Here's where I may step on some toes)
Take plastic surgery for instance. I live, as I've stated before, in Orange County. Plastic surgery is everywhere you look in this county. Most people who are not on board with plastic surgery view it as shallow and vain. Can that assumption be true, sure.
But what if that person is just so lonely that they think the only way to get someone to care for them is to alter their appearance.
I've seen and read stories of women that have undergone so many surgeries that they ended up destroying themselves in order to just be noticed and liked.
Is this an extreme example of how far people will go, yes and no. Plastic surgery is more commonplace these days than ever before.
As human we will do things to get any type of attention, even if it's negative, just to be acknowledged.
So where does this fit into The Returning Dignity Project? If people will go to such extremes to be cared for, then simple gestures of care can go further than we ever imagined.
Often times, people are so thirsty for love and care that they will drink from a polluted well. I've done it myself.
Our choice everyday is whether we are offering people true care or just more of the same pollution they are used to.
Your challenge this week has been to call someone by name. Have you been doing it? Have you really though about how far that goes with someone who feels unseen, unknown or uncared for?
It can go pretty far.
Look I'm not perfect by any means and I'm not asking any of you to be either. I'm learning as much during this project as all f you are.
The next time judgement comes to your mind about someones appearance or attitude, just remember they may just be asking for you to care.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Naraynan Krishnan, Someone Who Inspires Me.
I am posting this video of the because the video is about the work that Narayanan Krishnan does not only flies in the face of social norms in his city and country, but also flies in the face of his faith.
Some of you have seen this video via Facebook, but it deserves the attention it has been getting. On my first viewing, it made me weep. And since then, each time I watch it, I tear up. Narayanan reminds me of why the Returning Dignity Project is important. Why treating each other better is important.
Naraynan does a lot by doing such simple things. We can do simple things too.
Some of you have seen this video via Facebook, but it deserves the attention it has been getting. On my first viewing, it made me weep. And since then, each time I watch it, I tear up. Narayanan reminds me of why the Returning Dignity Project is important. Why treating each other better is important.
Naraynan does a lot by doing such simple things. We can do simple things too.
Monday, March 28, 2011
The Returning Dignity Project Challenge #1
When I go out to restaurants with new friends for the first time, something they seem to consistently remark on is that I ask for and try to remember our servers names. It's something I have done for a long time.
I live in Orange County, CA and every year we have a county fair at the fairgrounds just a half mile from where I live now. The fair opens at 10 a.m. and goes until midnight, roughly. It is your typical county fair with home crafts, rides and all that delicious fair food you shouldn't really eat, but you do.
A few years back I was there and it was around 5p.m. I wanted an Icee, (because I was at the fair and still have a small seven year old living inside me that drives my cravings sometimes.) I went to the booth that was selling them, ordered it and thanked the young worker by name. His name was Justin.
"Excuse me?" he asked.
"Justin, that's you're name right?"
"Yes." He sounded a little surprised and dazed. "It's just you're the first person to call me by my name all day."
IT WAS 5 P.M. FOLKS!!! The fair had opened at 10 a.m. that day.
That means not one one person he helped all day called him by his name. It also means that not one of his co-workers or his boss called him by his name either. Not one.
I could not imagine a day like that.
That settled my resolve to get people's name on a much more consistent basis.
As humans, whether we like it or not, we are more validated when people use our name. It is a huge difference to us if someone just say, "Hello" or says, "Hello Darcy."
I truly believe that so many people go through their days without genuine or dignified interactions. I think many times we think I don't have to be as cordial or as sweet because they are just a cashier or they are just a gas station attendant.
We are creatures of habit and routine. So that means we are going to the same places more than new places. I bet the place you get your coffee in in the morning sees you more than your friends do sometimes. How many names do you know of the people that work there? They ask you about your day, do you ask about theirs?
I am starting the Returning Dignity Project. The best part about it is that we can all do it and it doesn't cost us anything but a small amount of time.
Everyday I want you to work on addressing just one person you interact with by name. This is a person who you wouldn't normally know their name. For example, if the gal at the drug store has a name tag on at the check out, thank her as you leave and use her name. If she doesn't have a name tag, ask for her name and then thank her by name.
It is that simple. Once you get into the habit of that, I'll add some more to it. This project has layers.
I truly believe that this simple act can change someones day and possibly their life. It not only validates them as a person, but it reminds them that they have presence.
So in comments, on Facebook or Twitter, tell me about how you are doing it! Let's spread this idea and spread dignity for people.
I live in Orange County, CA and every year we have a county fair at the fairgrounds just a half mile from where I live now. The fair opens at 10 a.m. and goes until midnight, roughly. It is your typical county fair with home crafts, rides and all that delicious fair food you shouldn't really eat, but you do.
A few years back I was there and it was around 5p.m. I wanted an Icee, (because I was at the fair and still have a small seven year old living inside me that drives my cravings sometimes.) I went to the booth that was selling them, ordered it and thanked the young worker by name. His name was Justin.
"Excuse me?" he asked.
"Justin, that's you're name right?"
"Yes." He sounded a little surprised and dazed. "It's just you're the first person to call me by my name all day."
IT WAS 5 P.M. FOLKS!!! The fair had opened at 10 a.m. that day.
That means not one one person he helped all day called him by his name. It also means that not one of his co-workers or his boss called him by his name either. Not one.
I could not imagine a day like that.
That settled my resolve to get people's name on a much more consistent basis.
As humans, whether we like it or not, we are more validated when people use our name. It is a huge difference to us if someone just say, "Hello" or says, "Hello Darcy."
I truly believe that so many people go through their days without genuine or dignified interactions. I think many times we think I don't have to be as cordial or as sweet because they are just a cashier or they are just a gas station attendant.
We are creatures of habit and routine. So that means we are going to the same places more than new places. I bet the place you get your coffee in in the morning sees you more than your friends do sometimes. How many names do you know of the people that work there? They ask you about your day, do you ask about theirs?
I am starting the Returning Dignity Project. The best part about it is that we can all do it and it doesn't cost us anything but a small amount of time.
Everyday I want you to work on addressing just one person you interact with by name. This is a person who you wouldn't normally know their name. For example, if the gal at the drug store has a name tag on at the check out, thank her as you leave and use her name. If she doesn't have a name tag, ask for her name and then thank her by name.
It is that simple. Once you get into the habit of that, I'll add some more to it. This project has layers.
I truly believe that this simple act can change someones day and possibly their life. It not only validates them as a person, but it reminds them that they have presence.
So in comments, on Facebook or Twitter, tell me about how you are doing it! Let's spread this idea and spread dignity for people.
The Returning Dignity Project
Hello everyone new and already familiar to the project. My name is Darcy Staniforth and I started the Returning Dignity Project last April in my blog, "Just Making Space."
The heart of this project is the idea that we can change each others lives in a positive way with very little time and through very simple gestures. The world is pretty nuts right now and I think that sometimes we get easily overwhelmed by trying to make big changes that we forget that small changes can make just as much of an impact. So this blog relaunches the starting point for those changes. I'm not here to be overly touchy-feely or trying to get you all to be happy all the time. My goal is to write from a genuine place and share with you not only my own content, but contributions from other who I feel inhabit the spirit of this project.
The great thing about this project is that it doesn't cost you any money and the time required to completes the "challenges" I put forth are minimal. But as I have learned, these small things can really change peoples lives for the better.
I hope you all enjoy this new site and watching the project grow. I am looking for submissions, art work for the site and a following. You can start by following the blog and following us on Twitter at @Retrningdignity
(leave our the "u")
Thanks for checking out the project and hopefully participating.
All the Best,
Darcy
The heart of this project is the idea that we can change each others lives in a positive way with very little time and through very simple gestures. The world is pretty nuts right now and I think that sometimes we get easily overwhelmed by trying to make big changes that we forget that small changes can make just as much of an impact. So this blog relaunches the starting point for those changes. I'm not here to be overly touchy-feely or trying to get you all to be happy all the time. My goal is to write from a genuine place and share with you not only my own content, but contributions from other who I feel inhabit the spirit of this project.
The great thing about this project is that it doesn't cost you any money and the time required to completes the "challenges" I put forth are minimal. But as I have learned, these small things can really change peoples lives for the better.
I hope you all enjoy this new site and watching the project grow. I am looking for submissions, art work for the site and a following. You can start by following the blog and following us on Twitter at @Retrningdignity
(leave our the "u")
Thanks for checking out the project and hopefully participating.
All the Best,
Darcy
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