We All Have 5.5 Liters

It's been a while since the last post and to be honest, I've been a bit uninspired. I've run into other things doing some of what The Returning Dignity Project strives to do and it left me feeling like the work was already being done and that the project could not come close to living it's purpose.

I don't write all that to be a downer, but I write to be honest and vulnerable. And yes, although there are things that already look a little like us here at The Returning Dignity Project, they are not us.

The mission of this project is what I lost sight of, to touch people's lives through, genuine, everyday interactions and to grow from there. If we can take 30 seconds to look away from our own needs and look at the needs of others, then 30 seconds turns into one minute and one minute turns into 5 minutes and then minutes turn into hours. And in all that time whether it is seconds or hours, we are making a difference.

I met  a woman today named Martha who is a therapist. Twice a year she hosts giving parties where people donate a $25 gift card to gain admission to a night of food and entertainment. She then takes those gift cards and gives them to different non-profits or people in need. She has been doing these parties for 23 years! Martha started these parties as a way to repay the kindness people showed her when she was a struggling single mother of 3.

Although Martha is just one person she is helping so many. And if we left it all up to Martha, not as many people would he helped.

So yes, there may be other people out there who are doing close or maybe exactly what we are doing, but it's not all on their shoulders and it's not all on the shoulders of The Returning Dignity Project. Those of us who want to and need to help, those who are in need of help, all need to share the burden.

We are from the same race, the human race. And as Narayanan Krishnan talks about in his video for CNN Heroes, we all have 5.5 liters of blood.

So pardon the absence of The Returning Dignity Project, we got a little caught up in the lie that we didn't matter. And the truth is, that we do matter and any help in changing someones life for the better matters.

I've posted the video below before, but meeting Martha today and watching this video again of Narayanan Krishnan, brought the truth back into focus.

Have a great week. Start by using someones name and you start making a difference.

It Has A Name Other Than Addiction

I know there hasn't been a lot of  challenge posts lately, I guess right now I just feel led to post about some the things going on that I think effect people and their connections to one another. Those types of things are the other part of this project.

Over the weekend, Amy Winehouse was found in her apartment in England dead of an apparent drug overdose. It saddened me to see how quickly people played Monday morning quarterback to her death, pointing out how much they just knew this would happen. How easily people dismissed her as just another junkie.

My guess is these people have never faced addiction themselves or loved someone who has faced addiction.

Addiction, in any form, is an illness. If people with addictions could stop, they would, but they can't. That's what makes them addicts.

So many people I have known and so many people I love have suffered from some form of addiction. Thankfully, many of them work their programs and pursue their recovery and win the battle over their addiction every day. Not everyone is so lucky.

I know what it is to be the enabler on the other side, hoping that you will be enough for them to quit. It's a very hard lesson to learn it's not up to you.

When someone chooses recovery over addiction, most times they have to change their entire life.It all depends on how far they fell in the first place. But I cannot imagine how hard it must be to try and rid your life of something that wants to kill you when people are offering it to you all the time in order to become your pal. This is what many celebrities face as they try and pursue recovery.

And if you have never encountered those with addiction, please know the addiction is often the symptom of something greater. Pain so deep that numbing yourself to it seems like the only answer.

I lived with a Heroin addict for six months. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. He was my best friend and his own worst enemy. He started using drugs very early on to deal with the pain of the molestation that he had suffered at the hands of a family member during his childhood.

The time we lived together was during his second shot at sobriety. And I use the term sobriety loosely.

I would come home to find rambling notes on my door about how Heroin was the only love he really knew and that if he could just "fall in love" one more time, life would be better.

Sometimes he would get drunk and fall asleep in my bed, leaving me to go into his room and sleep in his.

Most mornings I would have to wake him up in order for him to make it to work. And part of that early morning ritual would involve taking heavy stage makeup to his arms so his track marks wouldn't show.

Those are just brief and not too graphic glimpses into those 6 months.It was a very hard time in my life, not just because I had no idea how to deal with what was in front of me, but to watch someone you love slowly killing themselves.

After he moved out, he found out he was positive with Hep C and he made a third attempt at sobriety that I heard stuck. Last I knew he was married and living in Arizona. I think about him often and hope he is pursuing recovery and working his program. I pray that their are no troubled phone calls to his family that only have terrible news on the other end.

My friend is someones husband and someones brother and someones child. He has a name and a life, not just an addiction.

Amy Winehouse along with so many other people who have been claimed by addiction were someones child, sibling and love.

If you have lived with addiction, you can identify with some of the things I am writing about here.

If you don't identify with me, that's fine. But this project is about us being better human beings to one another. We cannot do this if we only treat each other as a condition and limit people to their lot in life.

As a society, we need to embrace people and their brokenness. We need to give people power to reclaim themselves in the face of illness. We need to give people back their dignity even if it they gave it away for a high.

My Friend Margot

Before I set forth any more challenges, I wanted to salute my friend, Margot Harvey.

Margot passed away on June 29th after a short battle with cancer. I found out two days afterward when her amazing daughters Mary Leigh and Katherine came to tell me at the jewelry shop I work at. (Margot loved jewelry.)

I could tell you facts about her life. Like that she was the 12th of 13 children and that Margot had a PhD. But I want to share about the Margot I knew for the past 6 years.

I met Margot and Mary Leigh while I worked for Starbucks. They were daily customers and I still know how to make their Chai Tea Lattes to this day. Margot was always in a cute jump suit in the mornings and Mary Leigh was usually dressed for work. Margot knew each one of us on the morning crew by name and always remembered us at Christmas and on our birthdays. As a barista, it was striking how quickly they came to know me and ask the same questions I asked of my customers everyday.

Margot and Mary Leigh found out I also worked in jewelery and became some of my best customers along with Katherine. They wouldn't just come in to buy something. If they were in the area they would just stop in to say hello. Often times, Margot would come by with great thrift store and consignment buys she thought I would love.

Not only were Margot and the Harvey girls customers they became friends.

Life got tough two years ago when Margot lost her husband Don. He was the love of her life and she the love of his.She never fully recovered from losing him.

But after winter there is spring and Margot got so excited when Mary Leigh got engaged in 2009. I love remembering us being all together to celebrate this time. Margot had so much fun at Mary Leigh's shower which was a Tupperware Party hosted by a drag queen named Kay Sedia.  And she looked so radiant as the mother of the bride in January of 2010 at Mary Leigh's wedding in San Diego.

What made Margot so special is that she treated everyone with kindness and like a worth while human being. She always spoke to people, not matter what their lot in life, with respect and dignity. It's part of what made her an amazing lawyer, but what truly made her a person people wanted to know and be around.

I got the chance to sit with Mary Leigh and Katherine and a few of the other Harvey friends a few nights after Margot passed. It was so amazing  to see old photos and listen to old stories and learn about parts of Margot I didn't know.

I had seen Margot last in February and she looked amazing. She looked the best I had seen her in a while. She was full of energy and joy. Mary Leigh and Katherine told me in the week before she died, she told them that she had to come see me. Sadly, I didn't get that visit.

I keep her photo in my room and I say hello to her and talk to her a bit during the day. I know she's not in the photo, but I know she's around.


This isn't by any means my most eloquent post, but it is something I wanted and needed to share.

I write about Margot here in the space for the Returning Dignity Project because that's what Margot embodied. It's the legacy that her and her late husband Don, raised their girls to live. It's a legacy that everyone who knew her has been touched by.

I miss Margot so much, but her actions and attitude continue to inspire me and to inspire this project.

Rest in peace Margot and I pray you and Don are together loving each other fiercely.

I'd Like To Speak To The Manager

I bet if I asked you what your worst dining experience was, you could tell me. I can definitely tell you. It happened at a Melting Pot in Irvine, CA. I wont fill you in on all the details, but it was so bad it caused me to write a letter, not an email, but a letter to their corporate office and to their Irvine location as well. I received no response from them and in turn I have never returned to any of their establishments.

I've worked in customer service for a long time. So please know, that if I am so upset at a restaurant that I wont go back, that the experience was horrific. That being said, I also have a lot of grace for servers and staff at restaurants because they are dealing with a constantly changing variable known as the public.

We all have a story or two like mine. A story that starts with the hope that we were going to have a pleasant dining experience and instead turned into a nightmare. It's easy to complain about forgotten drink orders and burgers being too well done.

But when is the last time you shared with people a really extraordinary dining experience? When is the last time that you filled out a comment card with positives, praising your server for his or her friendliness?

So here is Challenge #5 in the Returning Dignity Project:

This week I want you to highlight and share your positive service experiences. Whether it's at a restaurant, bank, or at a store. Any place your would receive customer service.  If someone gives you great service and a great experience, leave a comment card, talk to their manager, take the overly long phone survey. These small things make all the difference to people who constantly come face to face with people focusing on the negative aspects and not the positive ones.

It catches people so off guard, that many times, when I have spoken to the manager about a positive experience, they are surprised because usually they are only there to receive the complaints.

If you wanna take it a step further post your positive service experiences on our Twitter feed @retrningdignity or on your feed on on your Facebook.

Here's a true example from Sunday night for you:

"I want to compliment  Andy at the Meat House in Costa Mesa. Last night was out first time in that butcher shop and he made the experience great with his genuine spirit and information about their products!"

See, so easy.

Have a great week and enjoy building up those who serve you every single day!

A New Challenge for A New Week.

Word had been getting more out about The Returning Dignity Project. That gets me really more and more excited about the whole thing.

The whole idea of this project is to make everyday personal interactions more genuine..

I have been thinking about the old adage, "That was the straw that broke the camel's back." The idea that something so small is the thing that finally pushed an already exacerbated situation over the limit.

I think many times we all say things or do things that are snarky or mean and don't think about the true consequences of those words or actions.

What if making a quip about someones relationship was the final dig they "needed" to go and end that relationship? What if a sarcastic comment to someone only rooted them more in shame?

Do we want to be the straw that breaks any one's back?

This is your challenge for the week...

When the temptation comes up to be harsh, sarcastic or dismissive; instead take a step back and work on saying something to build up that person or be supportive of them in a genuine way. This way we can help lessen each others load and make the day or even just the moment a little bit easier.

Happy Tuesday everyone and I look forward to seeing how challenge #3 unfolds for everyone.

Giving Is the Brand!

A few weeks back we headed to the Indie Arts and Crafts festival as it set up camp in the museum district of Santa Ana. It is there we happened upon an apparel booth and met Ty and Ish who told us all about the Collaborative World movement. http://www.thecwmovement.com

Each season Collaborative World partners with four non-profit organizations at individual, local, national, and global levels. These organizations are committed to improving the lives of the people they serve.  Half of all the CW apparel sales goes to these organizations.

Such a great idea!

This season Collaborative World is partnering with  the following great non-profits:

Living the Dream Foundation http://www.livingthedreamfoundation.org/
Started in 2007 by Scottie Somers, the foundation works to help empower ill children and young adults to realize their potential no matter what their affliction.

Someone Cares Soup Kitchen and Tutoring Program http://www.someonecareskitchen.org/
Their mission is to feed a daily nutritional meal to the homeless, working poor, unemployed, physically and mentally challenged, senior citizens, and children of Orange County. they also offer a 3 hour after school tutoring program for at risk students.

My Broken Palace http://mybrokenpalace.com
The mission of My Broken Palace is that no one is to ever to bear the weight of loneliness, anxiety, stress, depression, abuse, addictions, or thoughts of suicide by themselves. Their motto, "No one lonely, alone."

Krochet Kids http://krochetkids.org/
"Buy a hat. Change a life" To empower people to rise above poverty. They currently work with women in Peru and Uganda. Style that promotes social change.

Awesome, right?!

The apparel from Collaborative World is not only comfy, but stylish! Below is a pic of my shirt that directly supports My Broken Palace. Shawn purchased one that directly supports Someone Cares Soup Kitchen and tutoring Program. It's so nice to know that a piece of clothing I am buying is actually helping someone instead of oppressing them further.

Please check out Collaborative World and their partners.

The more we join together to return dignity to each other, the easier our mission becomes.

For Those Left Behind...

Now what?

May 21, 2011 was, according to Harold Camping, supposed to be the day the righteous were to be raptured into heaven.

His radio station, Family Christian Radio, had their website devoted to the end coming on May 21st. Now, the site is just back to business as usual.

Camping himself, who spent hundreds of thousands on dollars on over 2000 billboards and bus adverts across the nation, has not said much other than that, "It has been a very tough weekend." and that he is "flabbergasted" that the Rapture did not take place.

I'm not here to judge Camping or his followers. That does not return dignity to anyone. What I am here to do is ask; "What happens now to those who believed?"

I have been following this whole thing for many months now since I read an article about a 32 year old woman who quit her job to follow Camping and to spread the word of the impending Rapture. Since then, I have read other stories of families who have stopped saving for their children's colleges and quit their jobs. Who have flat out told their children that they will be denied heaven because they don't believe as their parents do. And even a story about a  CA woman who was so afraid of the upcoming tribulation that she attempted to kill her two children and herself.

Now can you chalk all these people up to just being fanatics or disturbed. However, it is not as easy as that.
It is more about the fact that Camping's campaign was driven out of fear and not our of love. A campaign that in many ways told people that their faith was not enough.

As I have said before, people do not need to be told that they are broken or in pain. They already know that. what they do need to be told is that they are worthwhile and loved.

Part of the mission of The Returning Dignity Project, is to interact with those who feel ignored and left behind.

Camping's campaign has not only rocked his faith, but the faiths of countless people. People who said goodbye to their jobs, and families and daily lives. People who are now left to figure out if they are going to throw out the baby Jesus with the bath water.

Christians are told to have faith like little children. To have simple faith and be pure of heart. Things like the Judgement Day campaign took that simple faith and twisted it and drove that faith with fear. Now there are people left with broken faith.

I hope in Camping's mind and heart he believed he was doing a good thing. He wanted people to turn away from bad and look towards the good of God. However, it turned into a fear campaign that caused shame to reign down on people and caused a blow to the Christian community as a whole. Even though many Christians are not in the same group as Camping, many non-Christians will lump everyone together.

So what can we do?

Whatever your faith is, we can do our best not to judge.  Instead of looking at someone as crazy for having faith in the May 21st prediction, we can lift them up and have hope for healing in them. We can hope for any brokenness that came from this to be small and for them to find new direction in their faith and that it be one of love and not of fear. However you pray, pray for these folks. Pray that they will find love, real divine love. The kind of love that comes with peace and joy and reassurance.

I'm not here to tell you how to believe, but I am here and the RDP is here to lift up people and to changes peoples lives for the better with simple interactions. Ask yourself how you might feel if something you believed was true was exposed to be a lie. Something like your marriage falling apart after years of thinking you were in a loving, committed relationship. Where would that leave you? Where has this left them?

You may not know any of these folks personally, but with our own words and actions we can help keep more shame, different shame and fear from being further heaped on the heads of these people. When others talk about this and mock these believers, don't join in and encourage them to lift these people up as well.

My heart is heavy with this, and that's why I chose to write about it today. But in my faith, I know that God can do more healing and rebuilding than we as people can ever destroy.

Have a great Monday. May it be full of grace and love for those you know and those you don't.