It Has A Name Other Than Addiction

I know there hasn't been a lot of  challenge posts lately, I guess right now I just feel led to post about some the things going on that I think effect people and their connections to one another. Those types of things are the other part of this project.

Over the weekend, Amy Winehouse was found in her apartment in England dead of an apparent drug overdose. It saddened me to see how quickly people played Monday morning quarterback to her death, pointing out how much they just knew this would happen. How easily people dismissed her as just another junkie.

My guess is these people have never faced addiction themselves or loved someone who has faced addiction.

Addiction, in any form, is an illness. If people with addictions could stop, they would, but they can't. That's what makes them addicts.

So many people I have known and so many people I love have suffered from some form of addiction. Thankfully, many of them work their programs and pursue their recovery and win the battle over their addiction every day. Not everyone is so lucky.

I know what it is to be the enabler on the other side, hoping that you will be enough for them to quit. It's a very hard lesson to learn it's not up to you.

When someone chooses recovery over addiction, most times they have to change their entire life.It all depends on how far they fell in the first place. But I cannot imagine how hard it must be to try and rid your life of something that wants to kill you when people are offering it to you all the time in order to become your pal. This is what many celebrities face as they try and pursue recovery.

And if you have never encountered those with addiction, please know the addiction is often the symptom of something greater. Pain so deep that numbing yourself to it seems like the only answer.

I lived with a Heroin addict for six months. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. He was my best friend and his own worst enemy. He started using drugs very early on to deal with the pain of the molestation that he had suffered at the hands of a family member during his childhood.

The time we lived together was during his second shot at sobriety. And I use the term sobriety loosely.

I would come home to find rambling notes on my door about how Heroin was the only love he really knew and that if he could just "fall in love" one more time, life would be better.

Sometimes he would get drunk and fall asleep in my bed, leaving me to go into his room and sleep in his.

Most mornings I would have to wake him up in order for him to make it to work. And part of that early morning ritual would involve taking heavy stage makeup to his arms so his track marks wouldn't show.

Those are just brief and not too graphic glimpses into those 6 months.It was a very hard time in my life, not just because I had no idea how to deal with what was in front of me, but to watch someone you love slowly killing themselves.

After he moved out, he found out he was positive with Hep C and he made a third attempt at sobriety that I heard stuck. Last I knew he was married and living in Arizona. I think about him often and hope he is pursuing recovery and working his program. I pray that their are no troubled phone calls to his family that only have terrible news on the other end.

My friend is someones husband and someones brother and someones child. He has a name and a life, not just an addiction.

Amy Winehouse along with so many other people who have been claimed by addiction were someones child, sibling and love.

If you have lived with addiction, you can identify with some of the things I am writing about here.

If you don't identify with me, that's fine. But this project is about us being better human beings to one another. We cannot do this if we only treat each other as a condition and limit people to their lot in life.

As a society, we need to embrace people and their brokenness. We need to give people power to reclaim themselves in the face of illness. We need to give people back their dignity even if it they gave it away for a high.

My Friend Margot

Before I set forth any more challenges, I wanted to salute my friend, Margot Harvey.

Margot passed away on June 29th after a short battle with cancer. I found out two days afterward when her amazing daughters Mary Leigh and Katherine came to tell me at the jewelry shop I work at. (Margot loved jewelry.)

I could tell you facts about her life. Like that she was the 12th of 13 children and that Margot had a PhD. But I want to share about the Margot I knew for the past 6 years.

I met Margot and Mary Leigh while I worked for Starbucks. They were daily customers and I still know how to make their Chai Tea Lattes to this day. Margot was always in a cute jump suit in the mornings and Mary Leigh was usually dressed for work. Margot knew each one of us on the morning crew by name and always remembered us at Christmas and on our birthdays. As a barista, it was striking how quickly they came to know me and ask the same questions I asked of my customers everyday.

Margot and Mary Leigh found out I also worked in jewelery and became some of my best customers along with Katherine. They wouldn't just come in to buy something. If they were in the area they would just stop in to say hello. Often times, Margot would come by with great thrift store and consignment buys she thought I would love.

Not only were Margot and the Harvey girls customers they became friends.

Life got tough two years ago when Margot lost her husband Don. He was the love of her life and she the love of his.She never fully recovered from losing him.

But after winter there is spring and Margot got so excited when Mary Leigh got engaged in 2009. I love remembering us being all together to celebrate this time. Margot had so much fun at Mary Leigh's shower which was a Tupperware Party hosted by a drag queen named Kay Sedia.  And she looked so radiant as the mother of the bride in January of 2010 at Mary Leigh's wedding in San Diego.

What made Margot so special is that she treated everyone with kindness and like a worth while human being. She always spoke to people, not matter what their lot in life, with respect and dignity. It's part of what made her an amazing lawyer, but what truly made her a person people wanted to know and be around.

I got the chance to sit with Mary Leigh and Katherine and a few of the other Harvey friends a few nights after Margot passed. It was so amazing  to see old photos and listen to old stories and learn about parts of Margot I didn't know.

I had seen Margot last in February and she looked amazing. She looked the best I had seen her in a while. She was full of energy and joy. Mary Leigh and Katherine told me in the week before she died, she told them that she had to come see me. Sadly, I didn't get that visit.

I keep her photo in my room and I say hello to her and talk to her a bit during the day. I know she's not in the photo, but I know she's around.


This isn't by any means my most eloquent post, but it is something I wanted and needed to share.

I write about Margot here in the space for the Returning Dignity Project because that's what Margot embodied. It's the legacy that her and her late husband Don, raised their girls to live. It's a legacy that everyone who knew her has been touched by.

I miss Margot so much, but her actions and attitude continue to inspire me and to inspire this project.

Rest in peace Margot and I pray you and Don are together loving each other fiercely.